


what can I say to make you listen

by heateqq



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I just wanted to write Lena smoking in bed and this happened, No Smut, but there’s a sexy post-sex scene, by that I mean Lena is sexy, kind of?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:22:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28718796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heateqq/pseuds/heateqq
Summary: Recent development of Lena and Kara’s relationship leaves one of them hopeful and the other entirely terrified. Communication isn’t their strength until one morning things escalate. Drama ensues and what doesn’t help is Lena calling the blonde “Supergirl” as if she was some hero along the lines of Superman, ridiculous, no?I’m terrible at summaries...
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 14
Kudos: 62





	what can I say to make you listen

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know where the fuck on the timeline this is set. This is AU though, Kara is an alien but IS NOT Supergirl. Lena has issues, they’re both gay, drama ensues. I had a vision of a scene in which Lena smokes in bed after sex and I had to write it and the rest is history. (yes i hc Lena as a smoker)
> 
> Big thanks to kieran (@fireandfolds) for helping out with this! He read through it and corrected some stuff, very appreciative of that!

Sex was a pretty new addition to their relationship and a great one too, if Kara was to say so herself. 

Admittedly, she’s never been keen on sexual encounters, didn’t seem to crave them as much as most humans did. Yet, it was different with Lena. Everything seemed to be different with her. Kara wanted to kiss her, she wanted to please her (and the brunette turned out to indeed be rather enthusiastic about sex). So yes, it was a pretty fortunate shift in their dynamics. 

It seemed fitting for this new stage of their relationship to start just as the relationship itself did. Abruptly, unexpectedly, unforgettably. It just _happened_ and kept happening for weeks after.

And Kara loved every second of it, she would never give it up for anything else. It was a privilege to see Lena Luthor like this. With her legs tangled in the cream beige of her sheets, completely at ease. Her disheveled black hair falling onto the smooth porcelain skin of her back with exactly five beauty spots Kara has already memorised. Per usual, she was not looking at the blonde. Instead, she was reaching towards the nightstand for her pack of Marlboro Gold and a lighter. 

The brunette lay back lighting the cigarette and smiling lazily at the woman beside her. Familiar smell hit Kara just as hard as usual. _You think the smell of cigarettes is bad? Try it with kryptonian enhanced senses._ She grimaced slightly, albeit she tried not to. 

“I’m sorry. I know you don’t like the smell,” she whispered in a slightly hoarse voice. 

Lena stared blankly at the ceiling, her chest rising and falling steadily. She seemed unbothered by her naked chest and Kara looking perplexed, observing the smoke leaving the brunette’s lips.

“No, I don’t,” the blonde admitted freely. 

About three minutes passed in nearly complete silence, although they felt like hours to Kara. The air in the room felt... strangely tense and it was slowly unsettling both of them. Not that Lena would ever let it show, though. Finally, she was the one to break the quiet.

“I won’t stop.” 

“What?”

“I won’t stop smoking.” 

“Oh. I didn’t ask you to.”

“I know. But you would, eventually.” 

Right. This felt a lot like one of those times when people seemingly talk about one thing but actually are referring to something entirely else. Kara decided it would be better to just roll with it. For now.

“It’s not healthy for you.” Lena just hummed in agreement without even looking at her.

When Kara said sex with Lena was great? She meant it. Obviously she meant it. Except Kara didn’t want just that. She wanted to wake up next to Lena, give her feather-light kisses in public, wrap her arms around the brunette’s waist as she’s cooking dinner, hold her hand in public, introduce her to Eliza, hold her tight at night when she has trouble sleeping. She wanted all that and more. 

And that seemed to be the problem. Kara was enamoured with Lena and completely engrossed with their relationship and new possibilities. She loved the brunette as her best friend, but now that they could be more, now that _they were more_ , she couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Lena couldn’t either. Except that what seemed to be a source of enthusiasm for Kara, the other woman found overwhelming. Over the last few weeks she cut down on their lunch dates, didn’t show up to game nights and cancelled on the blonde more so than ever before. 

And of course, _the bummer._ When Kara asked her out, on a proper date, Lena said no.

_Right, that may be why things were awkward and feeling tense now._

“We should probably talk.” Only now did Lena turn to look at her and sigh.

“Yeah, yeah we probably should.”

Except Kara didn’t know where to start, which seems stupid considering she was the one to bring it up. But she didn’t know because she had no idea what the problem was. Even before, they had been basically acting like a couple already. It seemed to Kara that they had all the ingredients they needed: trust, love, respect. Then they finally took the next step, and kept taking them but it looked like Lena was running this marathon breathless. Not completely present. Something was wrong, something _has been wrong_ but Kara didn’t know what. So maybe that’s what she should start with.

“What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing is wrong.” The brunette smiled and raised her hand to softly graze Kara’s cheek. 

“You have been… distant lately. I thought, well, I thought we were trying this out “—she waved her hand between the two of them— “you and me, together. But then you— you said ‘no’ the other night and I think you’ve been avoiding me. And I just, _fuck,_ I want us to be okay.”

The smile no longer there, Lena sat up and quickly ran her hand through her hair. She reached for her t-shirt to pick it up from the floor and put it on. And it felt like eternity before she spoke up (fine, maybe Kara was just impatient).

“I know, fuck, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I want us to be okay too.” More silence followed, the blonde didn’t want to force anything out of the other woman, she just wanted to understand her. Except it seemed like Lena didn’t know how to explain either.

“God, fuck.” It was so quiet Kara probably shouldn’t have heard it… perks of being Kryptonian, huh?

—————————————————

Kara was looking at her so tenderly, so full of genuine concern and confusion. What did she say? _You and me. Together._ Lena wanted to try that too. She wanted nothing more than to let Kara’s strong arms wrap around her, let her kiss her forehead and say yes to all the dates the blonde could come up with, yes to the holding of hands and movie nights together. But how could she, knowing she’d ruin it?

And how could she say yes to all that when her mind was just… a clump of tangled, dark strings she couldn’t organise on her own.

“I can’t give you what you want, Kara.” Before she could respond, Lena shook her head and continued speaking.

“Look you're… fuck, you’re everything to me. But whenever these things happen… somebody falls and I try to reciprocate the feelings, I _do_ reciprocate them but I try so hard to be there for the other person as much as they need and are there for me. But it’s never enough, I—fuck, I always lose the way somehow and then _I_ have to walk away because they’re— they’re too afraid of breaking me to leave, even though they want to because I just can’t—” 

She was rambling now, but stopped to take a deep breath once she felt the warmth of Kara’s hand on her back. Lena Luthor rambling was definitely something she would never get used to.

“Who are you talking about?” Lena turned to look at her _(when did Kara put her shirt back on?)_ , resting her chin on the palm of her hand she let out a quiet laugh.

“Jack, Sam—” 

Well _that_ was new information. Kara knew about Jack, of course, and she knew about how important Sam was to Lena. What she didn’t know, however, was that she was _that_ kind of important. Then again, she’s not necessarily surprised by this. Anyhow, it isn’t the time to contemplate this now.

“Lena, look I know you haven’t had the easiest experience with people and, uh, relationships. But this… I’m not Sam. Or Jack. This isn’t a repeat of any of those stories, this is our own relationship and we can make it whatever we want it to be, okay?” 

The blonde moved ever so slightly in order to get closer to the other woman. Well, that was the plan, at least, before Lena rather abruptly sat up and jumped off the bed, shouting so forcefully her voice cracked.

“This isn’t what I’m talking about! Fuck— you just never understand!” 

“Lena…”

“How can I possibly… you are Supergirl, Kara. You can’t be with—with a Luthor. The people won’t allow it. Your friends won’t— my mother… god, Kara, my mother will… kill me.” She was crying rather heavily by that point, trying to bring back a somewhat normal rhythm to her breathing by taking slow and deep breaths. The sudden shift in her reaction and emotions was the lesser of Kara’s concerns though.

“Lena… your mom has been in prison for years now. She couldn’t possibly hurt you. And I—I’m not—I’m not Supergirl. We’ve… we’ve established this. Have you…” she trailed off, concern and realisation painted all over her face. 

“Lena, have you been taking your medication?” Suddenly the concern was replaced by anger. Before Lena could say anything, the blonde reached towards the lowest drawer of Lena’s nightstand and opened it to retrieve the pill bottle, the contents of which were evidence enough that Lena indeed had not been taking her meds. Again. 

Right, the meds. Lena didn’t know what had been causing the flashes of visions she’s been getting; ones that show Kara in a suit similar to Superman’s flying around saving the people of National City. They would come and go with very strong conviction of Kara being Supergirl, whatever that meant. The blonde didn’t need to know that Lena never brought up that specific subject with her therapist, she didn’t need to know that those pills were not actually medication prescribed to her. _She mustn’t know that._

Kara wouldn’t say anything else, instead opting for staring intensely at the bottle in her hands. Meanwhile, the other woman managed to calm herself down enough to speak up, albeit rather quietly.

“It’s not… it’s not that. It’s not the meds—”

“What do you mean it’s not the meds?!” Kara hated shouting, she truly did and the last thing she ever wanted was to raise her voice at the brunette. But in that moment, in that one particular moment, she couldn’t stop herself from expressing her anger. Truthfully, she was tired and although it was no excuse, which she would be more than aware of later, it was partly a reason why she continued shouting.

“You know what, I’m well aware of how stubborn you can be and how reluctant you are to ever ask for help. But it’s becoming increasingly clear to me that this isn’t just reluctance, this is you refusing to get better even though you have the means to!” 

“Oh, spare us both the drama, really. I’ve been telling you that the meds do not help!” 

“What do you mean they don’t help, they do! They do help!”

“They solve one problem but create another five, when are you going to understand this?! They make me feel… crazy, Kara. Taking them makes me feel fucking crazy, in fact all of you seem adamant about making me feel like I’m crazy. I just—” upon her voice breaking, she looked down and cleared her throat, “—I’m not crazy, Kara. I know I have my… issues and… lapses of judgement like the one a few minutes ago but… I am not crazy.”

Lena could see the exact moment the whole conversation dawned on the blonde. That was the thing about Kara, she was so utterly _good_. Always wanted to do right by others, especially by Lena. But above all she was still just human (figuratively) and very emotional, always has been. And the brunette knew how this always played out, Kara would say something she regretted later and spend the next days trying to make up for it with sweet messages and Lena’s favourite food brought to her for lunch.

“I know that… I know that, I’m sorry. I’ll go make breakfast, are you okay with pancakes? I’m feeling pancakes today.” 

Before she had the chance to respond, Kara was already gone. Lena wiped her tears then turned to put some pants on. This was proving to be… a more intense morning than she’d anticipated. Arguing with Kara was definitely on her list of least favourite things. Perhaps Kara was right, though. Perhaps Lena should let them have a real chance at this _relationship_. After all, it had been everything she could dream of for a while now, yet now that it was just within her reach… it was suddenly so much more terrifying. 

She stepped into the kitchen and couldn’t help but smile upon hearing Kara mumble under her breath whilst looking for the drawer with pans. The brunette walked up and hugged her from behind, tight enough for a normal human to wince, but not for Kara of course. 

“I’m sorry too. You’re right, I should try harder to figure this out, maybe… I don’t know. I just feel confused and lost and it’s not a feeling I particularly enjoy. But _I know_ those—visions, they’re not made up, my mind isn’t responsible for this I just _know_ it, Kara. And I’m incredibly… scared. Of what’s happening with me, of this, of fucking this up and losing you. Because, Kara I don’t know what I would do if I lost you right now…” 

The blonde turned them around so that Lena’s back pressed slightly uncomfortably into the countertop. For a few seconds she just looked at her, the brunette not meeting her eyes, then leaned forward and kissed her softly.

“I love you. I know this scares you, and I don’t want to rush you. I won’t pressure you into anything you’re not comfortable with. But I want you to know that _I love you_ and I… I want us to have a chance to make this work. You just need to let us try. And as for the other thing… we will figure that out too okay? Maybe we can… talk to Kelly? Or Alex? Run a checkup on you first? Whatever it is, we will figure it out, okay?” 

And _finally_ Lena felt like she could breathe again, she wrapped her arms around Kara and put her head on the other woman’s collarbone. 

“Yeah… we will figure it out. Together.”

**Author's Note:**

> Writing ff isn’t really what I do so, sorry if this sucks but thanks for reading anyway!


End file.
